Happy Valentine’s Day to those who celebrate! If you’re perpetually single, like me, may you find an abundance of your favorite heart-shaped candy in the clearance aisle later this week. Personally, I’ll be on the lookout for Reese’s Hearts. Mmmmmnomnom.
What’s a perpetually single woman doing writing sci-fi romance? Aside from the escapism of it all, one of the many (many MANY) things I’ve learned in therapy is that not having good relationship skills modeled for me makes it difficult to build and maintain any relationship—much less a healthy one. For most of my life, I believed I was unlovable, but it turns out I was just picking shitty partners who also didn’t know how good relationships are supposed to work. And I was picking those shitty partners because they showed any interest in me, whatsoever, not because we might be a good match.
So, many years of life experience and therapy later, I write about relationships partly to give me a place to think through how I was taught to handle situations versus how healthy couples might handle them, which helps me integrate the lessons I’ve learned without having yet another disastrous relationship or getting hung up on someone who’s just not that into me. I guess I consider it practice, of a sort, a way to keep myself from fucking up a good thing if or when it comes along.
Esmari Writes 